Arizona

My first big problem with NAVA's ranks is their snubbing of Arizona. You can't put Arizona's incredible flag behind mediocrities like Alaska and Maryland. Quebec's flag is pretty classy, but it's Canadian. Does ESPN include CFL teams in its NFL Power Rankings? No, though perhaps they should. Analysis of the CFL will be forthcoming from State Flag Power Rankings, but today is not the day for it. Now let's take look at these flags!

Stupid, childish NAVA's #6: Arizona

Arizona's flag is, in the words of Ben Coppersmith (fruit of the loins of former Arizona Congressman Sam Coppersmith!), "full of hope." It's a beautiful flag, reminiscent of a desert sunset. The colors are simple, the design is distinctive but deliberate, the symmetry perfect. The only real criticism that can be levelled at the flag is its similarity to Kamakaze designs; this criticism has little to do with the associations between Kamakazes and the terrible acts war can drive us to perform, and is more about the struggle that occurs when two big name things (Arizone and Kamakazes) are forced to share a sweet design (expanding rays of alternating color eminating from a central point). Still, Arizona's flag has got all the ingredients needed for a successful standard. It's representative, unique, and attractive. That's why NAVA's rankings are such a travesty. Take a look at the states that are ranked above it:

Heidi Montag-esque NAVA's #4: Maryland

What the fuck is going on here?! There are some bizarre rotated crosses in quadrants 2 and 4, and some funky bumble-bee-meets-checkered-flag shit going on in quadrants 1 and 3. Vertical stripes broken by diagonal checkering. It's an ugly flag, which might make it somewhat representative, as Maryland is one of the least aesthetically pleasing states around. One thing it has going for it is that it's distinctive as balls (emphasis on "stinc"). This is the kind of flag that can give a person seizures if it flaps in the breeze just right. I've been staring at this thing for hours hoping to see a spaceship, a Baltimore Orioles logo or a still shot from The Wire. There's no way this flag tops Arizona's. Busted colors, complicated design, vaccuous imagery.

"You said keep your eyes out of focus, which is misleading. You want DEEP focus!"

Positively moronic NAVA's #5: Alaska

This looks like something Piper Palin made in her first grade arts and crafts class. Eight gold stars and piece of blue construction paper does not equal the fourth best flag in North America. Yes, the Big Dipper looks sweet when viewed in the sky. Sadly, constellations do not translate well to embroidery. You lose an itsy-bit of the majesty-of-the-incomprehensible-vastness-of-the-universe in translation.


Basically, I feel that Arizona's flag has been shortchanged mightily. I'm not yet willing to give it a permanent ranking, but it's definitely better than Alaska and Maryland. The concrete rankings will come in time, as will analysis of The Universe, which remains strangely flagless. Perhaps we can create a suitable flag for it together. 'Til next time...