We here at State Flag Power Rankings hoist this warning to our accursed nemeses at NAVA: Your days are numbered.
No longer will the vested power in the vexillological societies of America salute to drab, regurgitated ideas of design. The very notion that flag rating can be summarized in their “
five easy steps” reduces what is essentially a complex, introspective reflection into a
hackneyed seen on T.V.
gimmick being hocked by a
punk thirty something with
bleached hair.
Flags are intrinsic to
nation formation, and judging a flag from the dispassionate position of grand
arbiter removes it from relevant context. In order to assay a flag, you must get to know the group it represents. Texas’
flag is a kitschy piece of Americana, condensed into a gooey, saccharine, Karo syrup that gags you with patriotic
jingoism. Which is to say, Texas’ flag is not only easily identifiable, but also emblematic of the group it represents. Form follows function.
It is with this respect for contextualized analysis that we declare ourselves independent of NAVA. Our splinter group will have a significantly cooler acronym. We’re considering…
The Association for Leadership In Vexillological Excellence: ALIVE
American Flags In Ranked Excellence: AFIRE
Systematically Taxonomizing American Flag Formats:
STAFF
Vexillological Inquiries Regarding American Likings: VIRAL
But are leaning towards…
The League of Amazing Vexillological Assayers: LAVA
The LAVA manifesto:
1: The North American Vexillological Association has done a great disservice to the American people, decontextualizing flags and imposing rigid values.
2: LAVA is equipped to usurp the power from the vested establishment of yesterday’s croneyist vexillological politics, and return it to the people.
3: LAVA will, instead of returning said power to the people LITERALLY, just assume that the people would rather we’d hold onto it for now.
4: With said power, LAVA will create a NEW old-boy system of flag rankings, complete with cocaine-laden kickbacks for high-ranking officials.
With this in mind, I will attempt to bring to you a rich analysis of each state’s flag, complete with insight into the state it represents. Over the next few weeks follow me on my journey across this variegated land of disparate, warring feudal states united under one giant
flag.
I’m honored to join Ben on this mission, and hope that we can put our past differences aside as we attempt to destroy the established mechanisms of flag rating.
